Who Is Not Running?
By A. Lidden Pate, Jr.
I am. Yes, I am. I’m throwing my hat in the ring. I want to be President.
But let me make this clear: I do not want to be President for four years. I want only to hold the office for one day. . . no, make that for half-a-day, just long enough to make sure that all present occupants of the White House are off the premises, excepting the maintenance personnel, the security staff and the cooks. I figure that will take three to four hours.
I do need a good running mate to turn over the presidential keys to immediately upon my resignation. I prefer an Independent, but would be satisfied with any of the individuals currently contemplating running for the presidency, provided they can meet the following qualifications: a minimum of four years of elected political experience, exceptional speaking skills or have shown the demonstrated ability to call upon professional speech writers whenever the need has arisen, have scored at least 75 (out of 100) on a content test of the U.S. constitution prepared and administered by a professor of political science from either Harvard or UT Austin, be either happily married or happily single, and never have been in the Hotel business in either Moscow or New York City.
I do have my preferences: Beto, Elizabeth, Kamala, Kasich and, in a pinch, Mitt, to name my Top 5 in no particular order. But I am not picky. Any running mate who will diligently commit to my platform would be agreeable to me.
And my platform is entitled “TREXIT,” the meaning of which is easily understandable. Its four main points:
- I, or my Successor will appoint to the Cabinet only persons approved by Barack, or Jimmy Carter, or John McCain's daughter, Meghan.
- For Congress, I, or my Successor will only support candidates under age 50.
- I, or my Successor pledge never to shutdown the federal government, except, of course, if the United States should be at war with Israel
- I, my Successor and our friends shall pledge to exit the USA from Isolationism, Racism, and Trumpism in all their forms.
My campaign will be low in cost. I have Zero dollars in my treasury. So, for financial support, I shall rely solely upon the Good Will of the American people.
Since I am an Unknown, my appeal will be directly to, and limited to readers of these pages.
I realize mine is an uphill battle. But when I saw the number of possible candidates, I had to ask myself this question: Why not jump in, seems like everybody else has or is going to, and with no better qualifications, not even as good perhaps? So, I did.
I welcome your support. E-mail me if you wish to be a part of TREXIT: Andrew@texopress.com