By A. Lidden Pate, a sometime educator
I’m not all that interested in Donald Trump’s IRS returns. I’d much rather see his report cards from junior and senior high school and a transcript of his Fordham University studies and, though less desirable, also from the University of Pennsylvania. The returns would only tell us about his financial affairs. The reports and transcripts, on the other hand, would give us much more, like: his general interests as a student, his academic strengths and weaknesses, and some ideas about how his teachers viewed him as a person and as a student.
More importantly, the reports and transcripts should be able to provide us with concrete answers to the dozens if not hundreds of questions that have been raised around Trump since he jump-started his presidential campaign in 2015, such as, why does he lie so much and why does he butcher his syntax so pompously?
But, alas! It is highly unlikely that we will see these much-desired items through the usual legal and academic processes. In fact, we probably have a much better chance at getting to his IRS returns; for, to our knowledge, not even Congress has the power to subpoena the officials or demand materials from the schools Trump has attended .
So, "What should we do?" I asked myself, while, for literary purposes, also asking for the like-minded. And I answered: Why not recreate the lost records through the marvel which is imagination? Sounded like a good idea to me, so I have conjured up Trump’s Long Lost Report Card (excluding courses possibly taken in the U. of Pennsylvania) and scored it according to my experience and evaluation of his present behavior/
The Lost Report Card
of Donald J. Trump
Final or Average Grades Only
|Intro to Psychology||C|
|Algebra and Calculus||B|
The records show no courses taken in the following: philosophy, logic, ethics, feminism, interracial relations or the religions of the world,
As always, we welcome official corrections.
Author's note: I should confess to the reader here that my own records reveal a lot about me, especially that I floundered in my early years of college, then began to recover, an activity which continues to engage and challenge me.